Don't Compare What You’re Reading To What People Are Recommending

On building self-trust to find the right books

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There's a question that will send anyone up a wall:

"So, what's your favourite book?"

This is like that trick question of nosy relatives:

"Do you like your dad more or your mom more?"

Or, it's that impossible question from a clingy friend:

"Out of all your friends, who's your favourite?"

The problem with all these questions is that picking one without offending someone is impossible. Mom might cull your PS4 access upon hearing that you like your old man more. That friend might leave you on read after hearing that you enjoy someone else's company more. And though a book woudldn't resent you if it's not your favourite (unless the author is an asshole and is literally in the room), it does point to the real answer to all these impossible questions: it really depends.

Just like a parent or a friend, enjoyment (especially for books) is context-dependent. A philosophy book is a pain in the ass to read on a train, but great for a library. It's considered bad form to break out a novel at a party, but a poetry book could be a great addition to an intimate dinner. And no one should read a dictionary anywhere but in their private studies if they don't want a shrink to call upon them.

The point is: I probably love all these books, but it depends on when I'm reading them, where I'm reading them and with whom I'm reading them.

And this brings me to why I don't like to give book recommendations. Given that enjoying a book is dependent on so many factors, it's silly to assume that the same book will trigger the same reaction in someone else.

The clearest example of this is to be on the receiving end of a book recommendation you don't quite enjoy. More often than not, you'd think that something's wrong with you for not getting it. But Spencer recommended it, so it has to be good, right?

And this is the same self-talk (but worse) on the internet. If you wander into the wrong book-end, you'd discover that everyone and their dachounds are bombarding you with books you must read before you die. Before long, you'll join a desperate cohort with hopelessly long TBRs crammed full of other people's BS (Book Suggestions).

If this is you, my condolences first, then let me ask you this question: when have you stopped trusting your own ability/instincts when it comes down to finding what you truly love? From my experience, at least, I stumbled upon some of my favourite books through sheer chance.

When I tried to get into James Baldwin’s work a year ago, everyone told me to read Giovanni’s Room. But after starting and stopping while failing to click into the story, I quit the book and thought there was something wrong with me.

Just before I was about to write off Baldwin, I wandered through the bookshop two weeks later during a thesis writing break and found a copy of Another Country. At the time, reading a 400-page novel sounded like a cruel joke amidst my finals, but the story put a collar on me and yanked me around like a dog. I kept reading it, bought it and even after losing my first copy on the train, I still continued the story on a Kindle until I finished it.

Had I turned my back on my instincts and forced Giovanni’s Room down my throat, I would still be guilt-tripping myself into wasting time on something I didn’t want to read. But some books, if they’re meant for you, will show up in a completely strange setting, among strange people in a way you cannot possibly anticipate.

And that is the magic of discovering what you truly love while discarding what doesn’t work. So, when in doubt, trust your taste and stop comparing what you’re reading to what people are recommending.

Until next week

Robin